(Bailey in the Bronx 2011 - Jim McIsaac / Getty Images)
Ben's Pen Finally Shaping Up As Bailey's Shipping Up to Boston
Red Sox Close Deal for Andrew Bailey Not-Ready-for-Right Reddick and Two Single-A's Headed to A's This Just In: Tommy John Gives the Trade Two Thumbs Up Contrary to Rumors, Bailey Did Not Injure His Right Arm Picking Up the Phone Yesterday to Address the Media But at 250-and-Counting Big Bail Is Heavily Favored to Win the Popeye's Chicken Eating Contest This Spring
"Bobby and I are good friends. Bobby and I have a good relationship. He's excited to have me on board and I'm excited to be there for him. We're both looking forward to it. It helps knowing someone going in." -- Bailey and Bobby V... coming to a cribbage board near you...
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Nation,
Not a rumor was stirring, still a state of trepidation;
Red Stockings were hung with the greatest collapse last year,
Now the hope is Bobby V makes chicken and beer disappear
Theo Epstein was nestled all smug in his bed,
His Craw-Lackey deals nearly left us for dead;
And Werner in his ascot, and John thinking salary cap,
Stealing the rights to Rudolph, after not paying Pap
When out on the web there arose such a clatter,
Did Ben get a closer? There's 500 tweets on the matter,
Away to Fenway we flew in a dash,
Tore open the laptop, camera ready to flash
Who’s breaking the story? Who's the source in the know?
Is it Madson’s big payday? Did the Sox spend some dough?
When, what to our wondering eyes should appear,
But our old friend Manny, with a smile ear-to-ear
For just $1 million, and no more of his schtick
We knew in a moment, it was Larry’s latest trick
Then more rapid than building the park called JetBlue,
Bobby whistled, and shouted, knowing clearly who’s who
"Now Dauber! now, D-Lowe! now, Nomar and Nixon!
On, Pedro! El Guapo! on, Rickey and Damon!"
Bobby knows his Red Sox through and through
(But he hasn’t been in Baseball since 2002)
‘Greatest Team Ever,’ Herald headlines won’t say
Sox hope not to repeat 'Team Disarray Fades Away'
But maybe God has different plans, A-Gon will tell all
Carl may learn how to hit, or at least return Bobby’s call
And then, in a twinkling, he strolled to the mound,
The prancing and pawing of this tough talking hound,
He turned into his windup, beer belly twisting around,
Down toward home plate, the ball took off with a bound;
He spoke only to Bobby, then just put in his work,
Sure he dropped a few pounds, but he still acts like a jerk,
His eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
After a few beers in the dugout—his nose like a cherry!
He threw just like in '07, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment, Beckett had the old kick;
His heater’s mid-nineties, the curve ball has bite,
Mark him down for a win every fifth night!
And Lester and Buchholz came in fit, trim, and healthy
Lackey’s chillin’ at home, thanks to Theo he's wealthy
Dustin showed up before sunrise, Youk looks ready to play
But ‘Tek and Tim Wakefield have long since gone away
Ells keeps getting better, before he says his goodbye
Gonzo feels more at home, but he’s still pretty shy
Papi had the old stroke back, when he hit ‘em they flew,
They all batted around, the unnamed rightfielder, too!
The crowd sprang to their feet, to the team gave a whistle,
Salty circled the bases, Bard threw another missile;
A new year is upon us and the Olde Towne ballclub,
"No more fat, drunk, and lazy! PENNANT FEVER GRIPS HUB!"
...with apologies as always to Clement Clarke Moore and Henry Livingston, Jr. Merry Christmas, Boston Dirt Dogs
Because Bobby V Can, And He Can Dance If He Wants To
Ballroom Bobby V Owns the Floor Just What Kind of Content God Is This Guy? Dancing with the Stars Spinoff Series: Dancing with Bobby V. The Fun Begins at 1:34; His Best Move Is at 3:48 Can Diamond Replace Neil Diamond at Fenway? Somewhere in Texas, Josh Beckett Just Burped Be Sure to Watch It Til the End More Bobby V Cha-Cha '10!' -- Len Goodman
"Can you cha-cha?"
-- Bobby V, KIing of the ballroom in Japan and beyond
"Do I have to explain what I’m capable of doing? Everybody already knows. I’m not even going to go there. We just need to get into an agreement and when that happens, it’s game on." -- David Ortiz, The Negotiator
And That's a Wrap on the Wraps
(BDD Photo Illustration / Rich Hinds)
Hello Media, No More Wrap Questions in Bobby V Q&As, Please
Or Questions About Ballroom Dancing, Pressed Shirts, Pancake Eating Contests, Directing Traffic, High School Science Projects, Or O.J. Simpson