Epstein Bars Virus

NEW CUBS POUT

LET THE ORLANDO CABRERA BEGIN!
Cabby Hits Home Run in First At-Bat!
(Nomaaaahhh's Better Off Elsewhere, Stop Crying)

Survey: Knowing what you know now, does this trade help or hurt the Boston Red Sox chances of winning a World Series?

ACHILLES' HEEL: "IT'S FINE NOW"

Perfectly Healthy Nomar Tried to Tank Red Sox Chances at World Series, Kicking Our Grandfathers in the Teeth by Threatening to Put Himself on the Disabled List This Month

Lying Boston Backstabber Will Wear #8 and Bat Second for Chicago Today as He's Suddenly Able to Play. Remaining Nomar Lemmings Wait to See if He Goes on DL for the Cubs When They'll Have No One Left to Blame But the Guilty Garciaparra

Multiple sources have confirmed to Boston Dirt Dogs Bob Lobel's breaking news report that former Red Sox shortstop Nomar Garciaparra went to see Red Sox trainers Jim Rowe and Chris Correnti four days ago and informed them that his tendonitis "was bothering him" and he would not be able to play in the crucial series in Minnesota. Garciaparra then added "I'll probably have to go on the DL in August, I need extended time off, to be ready for the end of the year... the most important time for me to be healthy is in November (when open bidding begins on his services)."

After a full examination of Garciaparra's heel, the trainers concluded that Nomar was indeed fit to play, telling the disgruntled shortstop that the heel "looks fine to us."

Nomar then sat out Friday's game in Minnesota. On Saturday, when the trade opportunity with the Chicago Cubs heated back up, Red Sox CEO Larry Lucchino called Nomar Garciaparra and informed him that there was a strong possibility that he would be moved to the Cubs by the 4:00pm deadline in the spirit of full disclosure. Lucchino then asked Garciaparra how his Achilles' injury was doing. Nomar replied "It's fine now."

CBS4's Bob Lobel chimes in: "This isn't about me or Boston Dirt Dogs, Gammons, Remy, or anyone in the media. Nomar had an exit strategy and he used it. No one wins here, especially the fans that loved #5. He used his options to get out of town; the front office did what they could to appease him. It's a no win situation for everyone. No one lied, no one cheated, no one did the club's bidding, and there was no bad reporting involved. Everyone had their agendas and, once again, the fans are left wondering and questioning who lied, who is the bad guy here, who is the good guy, and who got screwed over... besides the Red Sox fans. It's painful to live in this town sometimes. This is one of those times. When someone holds all the cards, and chooses to play those cards, almost everyone is without much of a choice. It's our lot in life. It's not a lot but it's our life. The only thing left to say is... why can't we get players like that?"

EPSTEIN BARS VIRUS

GONE-SEE-YA-PARRA!

Theo Cures Cancer in the Clubhouse,
No More Nomar as Malcontent Shortstop Traded to Cubs,
First Thing: Milosevic Out of Exile, Sox Go on Defensive,
Orlando Comes to Disneyland, Cabrera Takes Taxi to Boston,
New Team Shortstop Replaces Lone Ranger, Plugs #5 Hole.

Mad About Nomar

8.1.04: I cannot believe you idiots are happy Nomah was traded !!!!!

Let�s think back about the team�s history, shall we? Hmmmm, Ruth, Boggs, Clemens, Tiant, Fisk, Lynn, Cy Young, Eckersly, and now Nomah. Starting to see a pattern now? You are so busy spewing hatred about the one and only player who ever stayed true to a team and not to the almighty dollar. I bet you are now hoping that we trade Varitek instead of offering him a good chunk of cash, huh?

I used to enjoy visiting your website and getting some info. But now I cannot stomach your ramblings. This sight has become the National Enquirer of the Boston Red Sox. You aren�t interested at all in the Sox winning a Series because that will leave you nothing to bitch about on a daily basis. You love when the owners do this stupid (expletive) so you can keep your website up and running.

I have lost all faith in Theo. Lucchino, Henry and Werner are even bigger idiots than you dirt dogs so it (sic) clear why you support them. First Lucchino screws up Baltimore, then he and Werner totally F up San Diego and now they have moved on to my beloved Sox and totally screwed us over. Nice job guys! So you dirt dogs keep sending your support to those A-holes � you are all meant to be together!!!!

- The Favoloras

(In other news, online, out-of-town fanboy lemmings keep blinders on, remain up in arms over losing their Nomie. They refuse to believe the truth, look to blame the media and Lucchino (yawn), and are mad that the Nomah posters have to come down from their bedroom walls and grouchy that they can't wear their #5 jerseys to work no more.)

As Dirt Dog posted on RedSoxNation.net 7.31.04. 1:30am: "Here's the latest from various sources fwiw: D-Lowe appears safe and should make his start tomorrow. But the Red Sox are working frantically as we speak to move Nomar... his sour-puss, selfish attitude has gone even further south. Sox are giving up on his re-signing at this hour and they are on the phone with the Cubs frantically trying to make a deal that works for both teams."

"7.31.04 - 2:02am -- BDD update: Changes in attitude: D-Lowe is safe, while Sox scramble in the 11th hour to move malcontent Nomar Garciaparra."

Media ups and downs: Bob Lobel on CBS4 broke the Nomar trade story yesterday at the 4:00pm deadline during CBS's Buick Open golf coverage. Channel 4 broke back in at 4:45pm to confirm the players involved in the deal. Other broadcast news outlets including WCVB Channel 5 (who's sports coverage is even worse that their bumbling DNC coverage) and Sports Radio 850 WEEI (weekend crew was weak), reported inaccuracies throughout the day, e.g. the Cubs deal had fallen apart, Derek Lowe was scratched for last night's start, and that D-Lowe had been traded to Chicago for Matt Clement, were incorrect. Mile-wide-inch-deep Greg Dickerson botched the coverage for the Red Sox flagship yesterday as he's done on Randy Johnson (following the lies of the NY rags for weeks). Earlier this week, he also repeatedly botched Dave Borkowski's name, calling him "Joe." Michael Holley did a nice job filling in for D&C fwiw.

If You Go to Church Today...

Thank God for Theo Epstein.