Still No J.D., But Sox Take a Closer Look at JP

Still No J.D. Sightings, But Sox Take a Closer Look at J.P.

Did They Give Too Much Dinero to Pineiro?
(Someone in Seattle Certainly Thinks So)

The View From Out West

"I'm a long time Sox fan, having grown up in Maine, and once talked with Ted Williams at the Bangor Sears store.

"For many years, I've lived in the Seattle area--and I thought you might be interested on the great Jim Moore's take on Joel Pineiro. Jim Moore has ben a long-time columnist for the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

"On Friday, December 22, 2006, Mr. Moore wrote a 'spoof column' predicting that the Houston Astros would sign Pineiro to a $55 million dollar contract. Some of our less discerning readers mis-took the column for fact--prompting Mr. Moore to write an explanation, in today's Seattle P-I, of how a spoof actually works.

"Good luck with Mr. Pineiro. I hope he plays up to his new Sox contract." -- John Wood, Port Townsend, Washington

Tongue Firmly Planted in Cheek ...

"... This time, I'm not only predicting where a former Mariner will end up, but also the money he'll earn and the comments made at the news conference announcing his signing."

"The Associated Press will file the following report:

"HOUSTON -- After losing Andy Pettitte to the Yankees and expressing concerns about Roger Clemens' plans, the Houston Astros signed right-hander Joel Pineiro, proving they are indeed desperate for starting pitchers.

"The announcement was made at Minute Maid Park, where Pineiro thanked God for convincing the Astros that he has a chance of being good again.

"Terms of the deal were not revealed, but the Seattle Post-Intelligencer's John Hickey, citing a shocked source, reported the Mariners reject was given a five-year, $55 million contract.

"Worthless in Seattle the past three years, Pineiro went 21-35 with a 5.53 ERA, fooling no one with his stuff. But the Mariners were so hard up for pitching, they kept starting Pineiro until manager Mike Hargrove wised up long after the fans did and banished Pineiro to the bullpen." -- 12.22.06, Jim Moore, Seattle Post-Intelligencer -- Go 2 Guy: Houston, Pineiro's a problem

... But Some GM's Can't Take a Joke

"Two weeks ago, the Go 2 Guy wrote a spoof of a column jokingly predicting that the Astros would sign Joel Pineiro to a five-year, $55 million contract, just like the one the Royals gave to Gil Meche.

"I thought the sarcasm was clear enough and the situation far-fetched enough that anyone wouldn't think it would really happen. But I heard from more than a few Astros fans who were disturbed by one of two things -- the column, or perhaps the possibility that their favorite team would be dumb enough to bite on Pineiro.

"I concocted some quotes from Astros General Manager Tim Purpura at the make-believe news conference announcing Pineiro's signing, and Purpura was not amused, giving him something in common with other former Go 2 Guy readers.

" 'I don't know you, and you don't know me,' Purpura wrote in an e-mail. 'I just wanted you to know that I didn't appreciate your column on Pineiro. We haven't had any contact with his agent (and) don't have any interest in him in the least. I realize you were trying to take a jab at him and the economics of the game. I just didn't appreciate being involved in this manner.'

"In reality, Pineiro found another guppy this week -- the Red Sox signed the 28-year-old washout to a one-year, $4 million contract and actually think he might be a closer. Now there's a fantasy." -- 1.5.07, Jim Moore, Seattle Post-Intelligencer -- Go 2 Guy: Note to readers: Spoofs are not real