(BDD / Sycamore High School Photo - 1997)
The Sox Are In a League of Their Own
And Youk, and His High School Hairpiece, Are Taking a Seat Tonight
To the tune of Funky Cold Medina...
The Rox came into Boston
Looking for some action
But like our old friend Steinbrenner,
They couldn’t get no satisfaction!
Clint Hurdle told his boys,
“We just won 20 of 21.
Now let’s go into Fenway Park
and have a little fun!”
But Francis got spooked
when the crowd yelled “YOOOUK!”
Holliday kept screaming, “WHY?!!”
And both our aces
And Paps’ scary faces
Made Tulowitzki cry!
So Clint walked to the Boston dugout
And saw this guy named Tito
Clint said to the guy,
“Why are you so fly?”
Then Tito told Clint Hurdle
Some more of his tricks
He said, “Make Pedroia your leadoff man
And you’ll get lots of hits!
Our number two’s lucky goatee
Is thicker than molasses!
And Papi and Manny hit it so far
You have to get out your glasses!
We’ve got Lugo and Coco
Bringin’ all their love
Mike Lowell with his golden bat
And his Golden Glove!
We’ve got slammin’ outfielders
Like Ellsbury and Drew
But of course you need
great pitching too
Like Funky Ohhh-kajima!
Now, Beckett’s got a curve
That could not be any meaner
Then Schilling and Dice-K show up
And take you to the cleaners
Jon Lester is our come back kid
And for Timlin, it’s old hat
Del Carmen, Lopez, & Gagne
Might just ruin your at bat!
When we needed one more,
Kyle Snyder was the answer
And of course our lights out closer
Who is one mean Riverdancer
We’ve got Cora, Kielty, and Hinske
Always ready when they get the call
Our back-up catcher Dougie
can even catch a knuckleball!
And you need great vets like Captain Tek
To calm the young guys’ fears
We’ve got this great guy, Wake
We’ve counted on for 13 years!”
Clint looked appalled!
He said, “I heard we’d win it all
If I ate a Fenway weinah!”
Tito said, “No, no,
I tell ya, Bro
It’s the Funky Ohhh-kajima!”
Funky Ohhh-kajima! -- © 2007 Jessica Lynn Curtis