Sitting Pretty

Sitting Pretty

Kevin Youkilis at Sycamore High School in Cincinnati, Ohio, 1997

(BDD / Sycamore High School Photo - 1997)

The Sox Are In a League of Their Own
And Youk, and His High School Hairpiece, Are Taking a Seat Tonight

Ryan: Who's On First?
Schilling: Up 2-0 and a Mile High


Funky Ohhh-kajima!

Red Sox reliever Hideki Okajima pitches against the Colorado Rockies in Game 2 of Major League Baseball's World Series in Boston October 25, 2007

(Reuters Photo)

To the tune of Funky Cold Medina...

The Rox came into Boston
Looking for some action
But like our old friend Steinbrenner,
They couldn’t get no satisfaction!

Clint Hurdle told his boys,
“We just won 20 of 21.
Now let’s go into Fenway Park
and have a little fun!”

But Francis got spooked
when the crowd yelled “YOOOUK!”
Holliday kept screaming, “WHY?!!”
And both our aces
And Paps’ scary faces
Made Tulowitzki cry!

So Clint walked to the Boston dugout
And saw this guy named Tito
Clint said to the guy,
“Why are you so fly?”
He said,
“Funky Ohhh-kajima!”

Funky Ohhh-kajima!

Then Tito told Clint Hurdle
Some more of his tricks
He said, “Make Pedroia your leadoff man
And you’ll get lots of hits!
Our number two’s lucky goatee
Is thicker than molasses!
And Papi and Manny hit it so far
You have to get out your glasses!

We’ve got Lugo and Coco
Bringin’ all their love
Mike Lowell with his golden bat
And his Golden Glove!

We’ve got slammin’ outfielders
Like Ellsbury and Drew
But of course you need
great pitching too
Like Funky Ohhh-kajima!

Funky Ohhh-kajima!

Now, Beckett’s got a curve
That could not be any meaner
Then Schilling and Dice-K show up
And take you to the cleaners

Jon Lester is our come back kid
And for Timlin, it’s old hat
Del Carmen, Lopez, & Gagne
Might just ruin your at bat!

When we needed one more,
Kyle Snyder was the answer
And of course our lights out closer
Who is one mean Riverdancer

We’ve got Cora, Kielty, and Hinske
Always ready when they get the call
Our back-up catcher Dougie
can even catch a knuckleball!

And you need great vets like Captain Tek
To calm the young guys’ fears
We’ve got this great guy, Wake
We’ve counted on for 13 years!”

Clint looked appalled!
He said, “I heard we’d win it all
If I ate a Fenway weinah!”

Tito said, “No, no,
I tell ya, Bro
It’s the Funky Ohhh-kajima!”

Funky Ohhh-kajima! -- © 2007 Jessica Lynn Curtis

BDD is a feature of Boston.com. All posts are by Steve Silva unless otherwise indicated.

Boston Globe:

Red Sox end losing streak > Shaughnessy: Debunking myths about the 2014 Red Sox > Cherington: Everyone needs to get better

Boston Herald:

Ortiz, Red Sox bats break out to end losing streak > Buchholz still bewildered > Memory loss haunting Red Sox

ProJo:

Lester was once a good hitter, now heading toward dubious record > Travis Shaw brings hot bat to Pawtucket > Ranaudo shines > Betts not a candidate for Boston, yet

NY Post:

St. Louis lets Ozzie Smith bid Jeter goodbye > Yanks prevail in extras again > Nonsense leads off in MLB broadcasts > Beltran elbow on mend

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