'Twas the Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, when throughout Red Sox Nation,
Finger pointing and frustration with the whole Teixeira situation
Our Red Stockings were hung by Scott Boras, it’s clear
We were sure his prized free agent would land here
Manny being nestled all snug in his bed,
While a text from Millar said his market was dead
And there’s Larry Lucchino with his Hanging Sox cap,
He just signed an agreement to sell them all at The Gap
When out on the ‘Net there arose such a clatter,
Another Deal Done?… Now whose wallet got fatter?
We turned on the radio, there must be a news flash,
Picked up a newspaper, but saw the same old re-hash;
Who’s breaking this story? Who’s got the source in the know?
Is this D-Lowe’s big payday? Did the Yankees fork over more dough?
When, what to our wondering eyes on TV should appear
But the face of old Manny, looking for $30 million per year!
With a little escape clause, so clever and slick,
I knew in a moment, it was the old Boras trick
More rapid than flying on John Henry's plane,
Boras whistled, and shouted, played his usual game:
"Now, Heyman! now, Ravech! now, Olney and Gammo!
On, Rosenthal! Cafardo! on, Impacto Deportivo!
Manny’s got 3 offers! It takes 5 years to play ball!
So write up a story, call me 'a source,' that’s all!"
Players still flock to Boras, contract price will be high,
He plays games with the numbers, he still tells the big lie,
So it's back to the phones, 'cause he's gotta move Manny,
Plus a sleigh full of so many players, it’s uncanny
Yankees titles really stand at 22 not 26*,
And Giambino’s 2 fake bombs off Pedro in ’03 makes us sick
$423.5 million Hal says it's just money well spent
There’s not a business on earth this crooked, this bent
The 2009 members of the “official” Red Sox Nation,
Will keep throwing hard cash to Tom Werner's booming operation
They’ll pay 200 large for jerseys in red and blue
Pink hats will be next for the players, print it, it’s true
But then down in Fort Myers, he strolled out on the field,
With fancy sunglasses on, watching re-runs of The Shield
He had hair like Bob Marley, the fans started to scream,
He smiled just like Manny, was this an impossible dream?
He spoke slightly Spanish, and went straight to his work,
Lumbered into the cage; he worked on a quirk,
Then he turned on a ball, his arms coming around,
The loud crack of the bat, the ball took off with a bound;
It was our friend Manny! Only one bat is that quick,
Balls crushed one by one, he still swings the big stick
He was signed for 3 years, Henry finally had to bite
Jack McCormick thinks he’ll hit a home run every night!
And there stood Josh Beckett, looking fit and trim
The big game hunter found his way to the gym
J-Bay showed up early and was ready to play
’Tek was lousy last year, but came back anyway
And then just like before, Papi watched the ball fly,
MVP grinded away, One-Year-Youk hit line drives,
With Jacoby in center, And Lowrie at short,
They're fine up the middle, still need run support
J.D. had the old stroke back, when he hit ‘em they flew,
They all batted around, Varitek too;
The crowd sprang to their feet, to the team gave a whistle,
Lowell circled the bases, Lester threw another missile;
A new year is upon us and our Olde Towne ballclub
"WHO NEEDS TEIXEIRA? PENNANT FEVER STILL GRIPS HUB!"
...with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore or Henry Livingston, Jr.
Merry Christmas, Boston Dirt Dogs