Top 10 Little Known Facts About the Brady Car Crash
... with apologies to David Letterman:
10. Brady wanted to show his young, inexperienced, and allegedly soft defense how you really lay a hit on somebody.
9. At the time of impact, the Patriots quarterback was reaching for his pen that he dropped on the floor of his car so he could finally sign that contract extension.
8. Senator John Kerry, Brady’s Back Bay neighbor, helped him procure those New Jersey license plates for his Audi so the Patriots star QB could avoid paying Boston excise taxes and Massachusetts auto registration fees.
7. The always accurate Red Sox team doctors concluded that Brady was fine after the crash and should be 110 percent for Sunday's game... but Jacoby Ellsbury cracked another rib when the two cars collided.
6. Brady was just leaving Daisy Buchanan's after a late night out with Irving Fryar and Hart Lee Dykes.
5. He was texting Gisele as the crash happened… we have Tom's text: “Morning hunnypie, can u pls pick me up some of my L'Oréal moisturizers, masks and exfoliators on yur way bk from NY?”
4. The van was not driven by human wrecking ball Adrian Beltre and a companion. The two guys inside were actually Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco, who came up with the stunt to increase ratings for “The T.Ocho Show.”
3. Brady was listening to “Mr. Blue Sky” by Electric Light Orchestra at the time of the crash. This just days after a founding member of ELO was killed by a giant hay bale in a freak car accident.
2. He was still checking out his hair in the rear-view mirror after Montro reportedly clipped 1/8 inch off the Bieber Bangs yesterday afternoon.
1. According to Tiger Woods, Brady was trying to escape from ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan, who was last seen him chasing down Beacon Street wielding a golf club.