The Bullpen Is
Too Damn Small

(AP)

Want More Home Runs at Fenway Park?
Then Join The Bullpen Is Too Damn Small Party

Messing with Fenway's Dimensions Is the Only Way to Fix the Dangerous Sox Bullpen
I Had Plenty of Room to Warm Up Out There. Sincerely, Bob Stanley
The Bullpen Hits Are Now a Serious Safety Issue. Sincerely, Roger Goodell
Sellout Streak Continues... Plenty of New Seats Available. Sincerely, Ace Ticket

"I represent the bullpen is too damn small party. Relievers are throwing 50 pitches a day and 5 times a week and some a side session. Papelbon can't throw another pitch... feeds hitters his fastball for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. His main job is to provide closure in the ninth inning, put wins in the standings, and money in his pocket. This is politics as usual ... playing the silly game in the bullpen. It's not gonna happen. The bullpen is too damn small movement represents relievers who don't feel safe in a 21-foot-wide bullpen. They're getting hit with home run balls right now as I speak. They can't throw side-by-side, get ready in time, or get people out ... listen.. a fan's stomach just growled... did you hear it? You gotta listen like me." -- Red Sox Nation gubernatorial candidate Jimmy McMillan