Top 10 Little Known Facts About the Red Sox Bid for Liverpool FC
... with apologies to David Letterman:
10. Some Liverpool players are not fully on board with Theo Epstein's focus on "goal prevention," but they understand that this will be a "bridge year" for the Reds.
9. Rising star Uri Berenguer and old friend Nomar Garciaparra will be named as the new broadcast team for LFC TV and will call all the matches live from the NESN studios in Watertown. In addition, Garciaparra will be inserted as the lifetime President of Reds Nation.
8. More good news for Liverpool fans looking to save a few bucks: Ace Ticket will replace Standard Chartered Bank as the club sponsor and act as the primary ticket seller for all future matches.
7. In a bit of a surprise, Dr. Charles Steinberg will return as part of the new Liverpool braintrust and has already booked The Beatles to play on opening day 2012. Steinberg will also wear a red fur suit for all home matches in his role as the new team mascot, "Rally the Red Monster."
6. In lieu of building a new stadium at Stanley Park so Liverpool can compete with Manchester United, Anfield will get a new large sign that reads "England's Most Beloved Football Stadium."
5. In an in-house move, the Red Sox will ship Josh Beckett and an order of Legal Sea Food's fish & chips to Liverpool in exchange for speedy midfielder Jonjo Shelvey, who is expected to start in center field at Fenway next season.
4. Returning Twitter aficionado John Henry has vowed that any profit turned by Liverpool FC at the end of the year will be immediately and fully reinvested into Roush Fenway Racing.
3. In a rare cross promotion of the two teams, every time Liverpool scores against Everton on Sunday, Jacoby Ellsbury breaks another rib.
2. If it weren't for the $750,000 saved by passing on Kerry Wood, the Red Sox would not have been able to come up with the $477 million needed to make a bid on the struggling football club.
1. After a worldwide search, Linda Pizzuti will be named president of Liverpool FC while old friend Janet Marie Smith will be working the concession stand at the north end of the Kop.