Top 10 Things Tim Thomas Plans To Do On His Year Off

Tim Thomas after blowing series against the Capitals
(Aram Boghosian for The Boston Globe)

... with apologies to David Letterman:

10. See if anyone saved him a seat on the bus so he can get down to Arbella Insurance to pick up the $35.00 buyout check after Arbella fires him.

9. Splitting hosting duties with Dale Arnold on the No. 1 sports show in the world, NESN Daily.

8. Buying all the free-falling Facebook shares he can get his hands on to ensure he can continue to post inane ramblings on his page and not comment on them in person later.

7. Getting in on a summer share with Newt Gingrich for a little bungalow on The Vineyard right next door to you-know-who.

6. Will put finishing touches on the family's fabulous new Fallout Shelter in Colorado Springs.

5. Even though he possesses the pipes of Red Sox chairman Tom Werner, Thomas will ask Dr. Charles for a tryout to become the new Fenway Park PA announcer.

4. Will style his hair in a fauxhawk and audition for the lead role as 'Timmy' for the 2012-13 season of 'The Bear and the Gang.'

3. Paint anti-American slogans on body in preparation for interrupting the London Olympics by streaking during the torch lighting ceremony.

2. Hit the beach with Carl Crawford and Jacoby Ellsbury, who are also taking the year off.

1. Three words: Video. Game. Company.

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Boston Globe:

Hanley enjoying his return > Victorino slowly getting up to speed > Ramirez fitting right in > Manuel Margot in stars in Salem

Boston Herald:

Pablo Sandoval struggles against lefties continues > Buchholz says he's sorry for the effort > Red Sox doing more right than wrong > Miley put Sox in hole


Brentz walkoff helps PawSox win at McCoy > Marrero more aggressive > Vic ready to make impact > Workman receives PRP injection

NY Post:

The latest way ESPN ruined Sunday Night Baseball > Girardi dusts off Mike Stanley story for Jeter's panicked replacement > Yankees all-in on Carlos Beltran, and that's a problem

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