The Joy of Sox
Top 10 Ways the 2013 Red Sox
Will Be Sexier Than Ever
10. Sexiest Man Alive alum Bradley Cooper will join the Red Sox as a long relief man and will flirt with girls in the bleachers between innings.
9. Rose colored glasses will be handed out to the first 37,400 fans who enter Fenway.
8. Jacoby Ellsbury will bat shirtless from the sixth inning on.
7. David Allan Boucher, longtime Bedtime Magic DJ, will be awarded the PA job and be the new voice of Fenway Park.
6. Square-jawed Red Sox manager John Farrell will wear a Jon-Voight-in-Midnight-Cowboy fringed jacket during his postgame NESN interviews.
5. In the latest change to the medical staff, Dr. Robert Leonard will become the new Red Sox team physician.
4. The lights for night games at Fenway will be dimmed by 80 percent. Think Sonsie on Newbury Street.
3. Tom Werner employs an old Hollywood trick and subtly changes the team name to the Boston Red Sex.
2. The official game program and 2013 yearbook will be written by "Fifty Shades of Grey" author E.L. James.
1. "Sweet Caroline" is OUT. "Sexy and I Know It" is in.