The Joy of Sox

Bradley Cooper

Top 10 Ways the 2013 Red Sox
Will Be Sexier Than Ever

10. Sexiest Man Alive alum Bradley Cooper will join the Red Sox as a long relief man and will flirt with girls in the bleachers between innings.

9. Rose colored glasses will be handed out to the first 37,400 fans who enter Fenway.

8. Jacoby Ellsbury will bat shirtless from the sixth inning on.

Midnight Cowboy 7. David Allan Boucher, longtime Bedtime Magic DJ, will be awarded the PA job and be the new voice of Fenway Park.

6. Square-jawed Red Sox manager John Farrell will wear a Jon-Voight-in-Midnight-Cowboy fringed jacket during his postgame NESN interviews.

5. In the latest change to the medical staff, Dr. Robert Leonard will become the new Red Sox team physician.

Fifty Shades of Grey 4. The lights for night games at Fenway will be dimmed by 80 percent. Think Sonsie on Newbury Street.

3. Tom Werner employs an old Hollywood trick and subtly changes the team name to the Boston Red Sex.

2. The official game program and 2013 yearbook will be written by "Fifty Shades of Grey" author E.L. James.

1. "Sweet Caroline" is OUT. "Sexy and I Know It" is in.

BDD is a feature of Boston.com. All posts are by Steve Silva unless otherwise indicated.

Boston Globe:

Hanley enjoying his return > Victorino slowly getting up to speed > Ramirez fitting right in > Manuel Margot in stars in Salem

Boston Herald:

Pablo Sandoval struggles against lefties continues > Buchholz says he's sorry for the effort > Red Sox doing more right than wrong > Miley put Sox in hole

ProJo:

Brentz walkoff helps PawSox win at McCoy > Marrero more aggressive > Vic ready to make impact > Workman receives PRP injection

NY Post:

The latest way ESPN ruined Sunday Night Baseball > Girardi dusts off Mike Stanley story for Jeter's panicked replacement > Yankees all-in on Carlos Beltran, and that's a problem

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