The Joy of Sox

Bradley Cooper

Top 10 Ways the 2013 Red Sox
Will Be Sexier Than Ever

10. Sexiest Man Alive alum Bradley Cooper will join the Red Sox as a long relief man and will flirt with girls in the bleachers between innings.

9. Rose colored glasses will be handed out to the first 37,400 fans who enter Fenway.

8. Jacoby Ellsbury will bat shirtless from the sixth inning on.

Midnight Cowboy 7. David Allan Boucher, longtime Bedtime Magic DJ, will be awarded the PA job and be the new voice of Fenway Park.

6. Square-jawed Red Sox manager John Farrell will wear a Jon-Voight-in-Midnight-Cowboy fringed jacket during his postgame NESN interviews.

5. In the latest change to the medical staff, Dr. Robert Leonard will become the new Red Sox team physician.

Fifty Shades of Grey 4. The lights for night games at Fenway will be dimmed by 80 percent. Think Sonsie on Newbury Street.

3. Tom Werner employs an old Hollywood trick and subtly changes the team name to the Boston Red Sex.

2. The official game program and 2013 yearbook will be written by "Fifty Shades of Grey" author E.L. James.

1. "Sweet Caroline" is OUT. "Sexy and I Know It" is in.

BDD is a feature of Boston.com. All posts are by Steve Silva unless otherwise indicated.

Boston Globe:

Red Sox end losing streak > Shaughnessy: Debunking myths about the 2014 Red Sox > Cherington: Everyone needs to get better

Boston Herald:

Ortiz, Red Sox bats break out to end losing streak > Buchholz still bewildered > Memory loss haunting Red Sox

ProJo:

Lester was once a good hitter, now heading toward dubious record > Travis Shaw brings hot bat to Pawtucket > Ranaudo shines > Betts not a candidate for Boston, yet

NY Post:

St. Louis lets Ozzie Smith bid Jeter goodbye > Yanks prevail in extras again > Nonsense leads off in MLB broadcasts > Beltran elbow on mend

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