BIG DOG BITES
Date: Thursday, September 27, 2001
John-Gone Harrington. Iím sorry I ever came back to Boston after the Attack. I should have just stayed in Canada and worked for AccounTemps. And Iím sorry I canít make the Army game at Alumni Stadium on SaturdayÖ I have a Major League Baseball (who Iíve worked for exclusively the last three years) event to attend.
Duke. Iím sorry I gave Carl that extension after last year. Iím sorry I never stuck up for Jimy. Iím sorry I grossly overpaid for Offerman and added an extra year to boot. Iím sorry I said Roger was in the twilight of his career. Iím sorry I got rid of Alice Sele. Iím sorry I drove The Hit Dog out of town. Iím sorry about Bragg for Moyer. Iím sorry about Steve Avery as Rogerís replacement. Iím sorry I gave the OK to put that fake chat up on redsox.com. Iím sorry I donít know how to talk to the fans. Iím sorry that no one believes I actually grew up in Massachusetts. Iím sorry we didnít get Mussina and Juan Gonzalez instead of Manny. Iím sorry Iím a control freak and power monger. Iím sorry I gave up on David Eckstein, the only decent prospect in the minors. Iím sorry I never built up the farm system like I said I would in 1994 and keep telling you our 30-year-old-waiver-wire call-ups are the future. I'm sorry...
Joe Kerrigan. Iím sorry I didnít just go to that chiropractor appointment (then Gene Lamont would have had to deal with all this). Iím sorry I didnít take a swing at Derek after that embarrassment on my first night. Iím sorry I said I would go with a set lineup. Iím sorry I let Tommy give the steal sign and thought these guys were the í74 Oakland Aís. Iím sorry for my ill-timed, ill-advised firing of Cumby. I'm sorry I do and don't read the paper. I'm sorry I blamed the media. Iím sorry I ever took this thankless job.
Trot. Iím sorry I didnít make it back to Boston in time for the birth of my son (although God knows I tried). Iím sorry I didnít challenge Carl further when he refused to rehab his knee. And Iím sorry I took all those late inning third strikes when we were still in contention.
Daugbach. Iím sorry I let my stupid brother come visit me and give me that damn staph infection. Iím sorry for wearing that Lincolnesque beard earlier in the season. Iím really sorry I got sucked in to suiting up for those replacement games back in '95. Iím sorry I donít go off the Wall more often.
Tek. Iím sorry I give 100% on every play. Iím sorry I landed on that ridiculous rubber mat. Iím sorry I listened to those quacks in Worcester and tried to rush back. Iím sorry the Dirt Dog momentum started to slip away after I got hurt.
Sheahound. Iím sorry I didnít walk more earlier in the year (I think). Iím sorry Carl took such a liking to me.
Casey on the mound. Iím sorry I only weigh 170lbs. Iím sorry the season is ending soon (this has been a blast). Iím sorry I threw those two balls right into the swing path of Ellis, all-done-in-í91, Burks and Juan, should-have-grabbed-him-for-short-money-instead, Gonzalez in Cleveland.
Canine Stynes. Iím sorry I got hit/hurt. Iím sorry I couldnít lock up the second base job. Iím sorry I didnít hit for more power.
Izzy for real? (No) Iím sorry I didnít get called up soonerÖ like two yearís ago. Iím sorry I keep loafing even after everyone forgave me for the first time. Iím sorry the delivery wasnít as good as the promise.
El Guapo. Iím sorry I ate the whole thing. Iím sorry I never made the El Guapo Grape Salad for the ĎCrowding the Plateí cookbook.
David Cone. Iím sorry I couldnít be more help in New York. Iím sorry I have to leave, but I just canít stay.
Frank Castillo. Iím sorry they kept taking me out in the sixth when I was going good. Iím sorry you never know what youíre going to get with me. Iím sorry sometimes my fastball comes in underhand.
Lansing. (Yeesh) Iím not sorry for anything. Someone paid me $7 million dollars a year, are you kidding me?
Urbina. Iím sorry Iím damaged goods and may only be a band-aid at closer.
Wakefield. Iím sorry youíre all sick of the knuckleball. Iím sorry I keep complaining every time they jerk me around from starter to closer.
Arrojo. Iím sorry I donít care whether your team wins or loses anything. I just like cashing these big checks.
Nomo. Iím sorry Iím being so greedy about my next deal. Iím sorry I donít care about your tradition of losing either; Iím from Japan and will be with eight teams before I go back. Iím sorry I didnít get that second no-hitter.
Offerman. Iím sorry I forgot to get in shape last year. Iím sorry I canít run anymore. Iím sorry that youíll see me playing hard again and wonder why (itís only because Iím trying to get one last contract)?
Troy. Iím sorry my only shining moment was Game 5 in Cleveland in í99 (Waaaaayyyy Baaaackkkk. Grand Slam Troy OíLeary). Iím sorry I am so indifferent about playing baseball in Boston.
D Lew. Iím sorry I never put Carl on the permanent disabled list when I had the chance last year. Iím sorry but Iíll be heading to San Francisco to finish my career. Iím sorry they ever signed Everett.
Bichette. Iím sorry I never hit those 40 home runs like Shaughnessey promised in March.
Hatteberg. Iím sorry Iím not a very good catcher. Iím sorry I got caught up in the whining and back-stabbing and opened my big mouth.
Rod Beck. Iím sorry I ever said Ďwell if they donít have faith in Derek and me to close these gamesÖí Yikes.
Lowe. Iím sorry I was so cocky and basked in the glow of my 42 saves for the first half of this season. Iím sorry I ever agreed to do a weekly gig on ĎEEI. Chad Eaton disease set in right away. But Iím still not sorry I dissed Joe on his first night.
Everett. I ainít sorry for nuthiní man. Get outta my face. ďNevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you.Ē Holy Bible, Book 43: John - Chapter 016.
Pedro. Iím sorry but I am just an employee here. Iím sorry that my contract has three yearís left. Iím sorry I keep breaking down. I'm sorry I didn't come in with a new body last year, was busy buying boats and building new houses..
Garciaparra. Iím sorry I let myself get hit in the wrist. Iím sorry about all the craziness with the weights. Iím sorry about all the commercials. Iím sorry I donít stand up to the a-holes like Mo would. I'm sorry I had more MRI than RBI this season. Iím sorry they ever put me on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Manny. Iím sorry I ever left Cleveland. Iím sorry I ever left Cleveland. Iím sorry I ever left Cleveland (Is that where he went during his early exit on his way to Detroit?). ٱ