Hench's Hardball 2002

HENCH’S HARDBALL

The Honeymoon is Over

5.27.02: Raise your hand if you were surprised that Darren Oliver got shelled last night. Raise your hand if you thought it was a good idea to pitch him on three days rest against the White Sox last Tuesday so he could face the Yankees last night. Raise your hand if you think Darren Oliver on three days rest is a better option than a spot start from Tim Wakefield, Rolando Arrojo or Casey Fossum. Where are all the hands?

Forget Oliver's bizarre record of success against the Yankees in his career. The guy has no stuff. He has no heat on his heater and his yakker ain't worth puke. Throw in the fact that the guy can't throw strikes and you start to understand why his ERA was over six last year. So why the managerial juggling to make sure we could rush this stiff out to the mound twice this past week for two one-sided losses against two potential playoff teams? Just throw him on the aging-lefties-with-no-velocity-and-minimal-control slag heap with fellow reclamation disasters Steve Avery, Pete Schourek and Kent Mercker.

Just because we managed to get a warm body for Carl Everett doesn't mean we have to use him. Besides, I'm not sure just how warm this stiff is.

Now, Grady, let's talk about Jose Offerman. You haven't been here the last three years so this might all be new to you: the GIDPs, the muffed bunts, the caught stealings. But we've been watching it for three-and-a-quarter years, or approximately 22 million dollars. This weekend alone, Awfulman cost us one game with a miserable bunt attempt and a prompt GIDP, then followed that up Sunday by ending an inning on a caught stealing with a guy who had already homered (Daubach) at the plate and yet another GIDP in the midst of a rally in which four straight batters had reached against Mussina. He does a lot of things, all poorly.

There was a memorable scene in All the President's Men, during which Jason Robards (as Ben Bradlee) explains to "Woodstein" that he once ran a story saying LBJ was going to fire J. Edgar Hoover, and that LBJ, perhaps in a fit of pique over the leak and the story, appointed Hoover for life. Now I'm not suggesting that Grady Little reads Dan Shaughnessy, but he sure seemed to be sticking his thumb in someone's eye by batting Offerman second tonight despite the 100-point drop in Oh-ferman's average the last three weeks. Seriously, how much longer can this go on? Who is Grady trying to spite? Us? If Tony Clark is not in traction, if he has a pulse, well, at least there is the faint possibility of an upside. With Offerman, you know exactly what you're going to get and it is not pretty. Call up Juan Diaz. Have Hillenbrand dig up his first baseman's glove and play Merloni at third. Hell, give Merloni a first baseman's glove. Whatever it takes, but please, Grady, you're killing us.

Hope you enjoyed the honeymoon. Now send Oliver to the pen and Offerman to the glue factory. Remember Grady, it's a fine line between folksy wise man and out-of-his-depth bumpkin. Hardball