HENCH’S HARDBALL: Opinions expressed in Hardball are not necessarily those of Boston Dirt Dogs, Big Dog, or our sponsors:

Date: Monday April 2, 2001
From: Kevin Hench
Subject:  Opening Nightmare

Fellas,

Where do I begin? First, what the hell am I spending $95 a month and another $130 for the MLB Direct TV package if I can't see every friggin' Red Sox game?

Between me, my buddy Dave and the weirdo we met at Dublin's, we spent two hours on the phone with Direct TV, trying to figure out how to get the Boston Fox affiliate in Los Angeles.  Obviously, it's possible.  But apparently the local affiliates have cried to the lawmakers so no matter how much the viewer pays to retrieve the beams in the air there is no way around this.  It is a huge friggin' drag.  But the weirdo is working on it and has a few leads.

Second, why the fuck do I see Trot Nixon credited with a sacrifice bunt?  If

I'm interpreting this box score correctly, Trot was probably instructed to bunt after Chris Stynes reached in extra innings.  Again, why?  Trot was second in the Grapefruit League in homers and had already provided all the
offense for this anemic group of stiffs with a solo shot.  Perhaps Jimy didn't realize that while Trot was hitting second - and in most cases the bunt there is the right thing - he had Varitek on deck (this guy should
never, ever hit third in a Major League game) and D-Lew in the hole after pinch-running for Manny.  Are you telling me that you want Trot to sacrifice himself for Varitek and D-Lew?  Once again Jimy proves that the subtler aspects of baseball strategy escape him.  Obviously, anyone who knows baseball would rather have Hillenbrand in the two-hole with Trot hitting third and Varitek hitting seventh or lower.  Bizarre.

This was the first of many games we will lose this year because of our crappy defense.  And we didn't even make an error.  Lansing - and maybe even Awfulman - make the play that Stynes blew to cost us the game.  Moving
Stynes to second makes us better offensively - couldn't you tell? - but it weakens us defensively at two positions.  Why do we have so few guys who can hit and field and so many who can do neither.

And as if Clemens winning weren't insult enough, Brady Anderson gets the winning knock.  How's Mike Boddicker doing?

This is as depressed as I've ever been after an April game.