NEW POLICY WONK

The Incredible Bulk

Bonds* Knows He's Still in "The Clear" with New Policy
Artificial Heir to HR Crown's Growth Treatments Will Beat System
No Forced Retirement for Bonds* in "Harsher" Steroid Plan
Cheater Won't Be Banned in in New Drug Deal
Aaron, Ruth Legitimate Records Remain at Risk

SUICIDE BONDS

Don't you know what you're doing?
You've got a death wish

Suicide Bonds, Suicide Bonds
Suicide Bonds, Suicide Bonds
Suicide Bonds is the discolored millionaire
He's a cheap distraction
In this gross affair
We knew he was finished
When his story began
Something tells me Fehr lost the fans

Babe Ruth is safe now
Suicide Bonds
No Aaron devastation
Suicide Bonds

Go meet your maker
Suicide Bonds
No salvation for
Suicide Bonds

He'll been ripped as a cheat
But will his clothes stay on?
White lights everywhere
No more home run king
Finally brought to his knees
A mad, sad moment
Bid him adieu, bid him adieu, say a prayer

Got some revelation put into our hands
Our game is in misery
Like rain across the land
Don't you see
The colour of deception
Turning our world around again

Baseball's big faker
Suicide Bonds
Permanent vacation
Suicide Bonds

No records to break here
Suicide Bonds
No ESPY admiration
Suicide Bonds
That's the story
[repeat till he fades away]

BONDS BOMBSHELL

(Not really, you already knew the truth)

The brainiacs at MLB.com want you to send Bonds* a note to congratulate him.

No Worries Nation, Yanks Can't Get Out of Giambi Contract Until It Ends