RemDawg: Simmons Out of Running for RSN Prez

Interim Acting President of Lucchino's Red Sox Nation Tosses
Sports Guy's Application in Official Trash Can

NESN's Red Sox analyst and interim acting president of the team's Red Sox Nation, Jerry Remy: We’ve got all kinds of people coming out of the woodwork who want to be permanent president (of Red Sox Nation)… some of this stuff is unbelievable… these people have been writing in, we’ve had these candidates, and they’re writing in why they should be president… there’s one that really kind of irked me a little bit. Who the heck is Bill Simmons? The sports guy he calls himself. I briefly went through his ‘why he should be president’ thing… he’s always wanted to be a president… that’s No. 1, of something. He said ‘I’ve always wanted to be the president of something.'

Red Sox play-by-play announcer Don Orsillo: You’re not buying it?

Remy (shrugs): Everybody does… and he says ‘I really don’t care what it is.’ So does that mean he’s serious about this job? No. Right away he’s telling you he just wants to be a president of something, he doesn’t care what it is, anything. So be president of your trash can. OK?

And it gets worse. Second, ‘I think I can get free tickets out of this.’

Orsillo: So you’re questioning his motivation also.

Remy: He rips Mike O’Malley. Mike O’Malley just did the picnic in the park thing, for charity. He’s been subjected to seven years of Yes, Dear. In other words, he wants no part of Mike O’Malley.

Orsillo: Yes Dear’s a good show.

Remy: This guy’s running for president. This sports guy he calls himself.

Orsillo: And he’s ripping other people on the way.

Remy: And here’s the one that that bugs me. I’m not going to mention what he says about me, but he says … in other words, if he’s elected, you would never have to worry about his health. He would be able to serve out his tenure. In other words, he’s saying that physically …

Orsillo: You’re day-to-day and could die anytime?

Remy: Well who couldn’t. Everybody’s day-to-day. That really ticked me off when I read that. He’s got a lot of foolish stuff on here that just makes no sense, so Bill Simmons, the sports guy, see this:

Remy: Buh-bye … what did Coco do?

Orsillo: He struck out. He’s the second strikeout for Leo Nunez.

Remy: OK. That’s enough for one night but I’m telling you, some of this stuff is unbelievable. This Simmons goes right to the trash. The sports guy he calls himself. He wants free tickets. And he’s ripping my health. And he’s ripping Mike O’Malley of all people.

Orsillo: Yes. Obviously he has not seen you, because you’re in fantastic shape …

Remy: I don’t see him at the gym every morning. Plus I wouldn’t know him anyway if I saw him. So Simmons, your application has just been torn up and thrown in our official trash can here in the booth.

Orsillo: We have some ice cream; we have half a cookie… Who ate half this cookie? This is still a good cookie.

Remy: You know this in tongue in cheek, but this is for real. Don’t be writing in and saying you want to be president because I always wanted to be president of something. You want to be president of one of the greatest nations in the world, Red Sox Nation, you have to represent the people. He’s talking about getting free tickets. He’s ripping Mike O’Malley. He’s ripping my health. I mean, c’mon. The sports guy. There’s a lot of sports guys out there, right? Your campaign is officially over. Now he’ll rip… what does he write for again?

Orsillo: I think ESPN.

Remy: He’s gonna rip my brains out tomorrow, probably (laughing). That’s all right. He’s a good guy… He’s got no chance of being president. … See how people eliminate themselves. That’s why you don’t jump into a race too soon. People just eliminate themselves by what they do.

Orsillo: It’s a little early to be part of the smear campaign, right out of the chute…