B D D   E X C L U S I V E:

Roger Clemens Set to
Return to Red Sox

Rocket Will Pitch One Final Season in Boston, Then Retire*
Rusty Hardin to Replace Dr. Charles Steinberg as Maestro

Theo Epstein Stuns Baseball World By Working Behind Scenes
to Strike Secret $40 Million Deal with Roger

Boston Dirt Dogs has learned today that former Red Sox great Roger Clemens will return to Boston and pitch one final season in an attempt to rescue the beleaguered BoSox rotation. Theo Epstein reportedly was sold on signing Clemens after fully digesting the 18,000-word statistical report Hendricks Sports Management issued to rebut accusations that the pitcher's career rebounded about the time he was accused by that scoundrel Brian McNamee of using performance-enhancing drugs.

Epstein is expected to announce the $40 million deal, done completely behind the scenes, later this morning. Red Sox manager Terry Francona will name Clemens as the Red Sox fifth starter. Clemens is tentatively slated to join the team in mid-July after an extended spring training.

The Hendricks report compared Clemens' performance during the second half of his career to those of Nolan Ryan, Curt Schilling and Randy Johnson. Theo was sold. Epstein also referenced Clemens' testimony before Congress, where the Hall of Fame lock denied use of any performance-enhancing drugs. That clear and focused testimony convinced the nation, and Epstein, that the Rocket wasn't fueled by anything illegal during his time in Toronto and New York and that his legacy will remain in tact.

After Clemens speaks to the media at a press conference today, his longtime attorney Rusty Hardin will also be introduced as the man who will attempt to fill the deep void left when Dr. Charles Steinberg bolted for Los Angeles and scored a coup by locking up Marilyn McCoo for the LA Coliseum extravaganza on Saturday night. That's when John Henry made the call to Hardin.

In Hardin's first act as Red Sox Maestro, he reportedly asked Jose Canseco to speak at the Clemens press conference. Canseco is in New York promoting his book "Vindicated," which pretty much all but clears Clemens of any wrongdoing during the steroid era. When reached by BDD this morning to confirm his appearance, Canseco said he would not be in attendance, adding "the time is not right"...

* - Oh, and while you are digesting this story, don't forget to check the calendar. And look back at Sox news on this date in 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004...

Barks and Bites: Old friend and accused performance-enhancer Eric Gagne did what he does best for the Brewers last night and blew a three run lead, but came up with a cheap win as old friend Bobby Howry took the extra-innings loss and David Riske ended up with the save for Milwaukee. Fenway not-such-a-fan-favorite Edgar Renteria hit leadoff for the Tigers but failed to come through in the clutch for his new team in the 11th. Why can’t we keep players like that? Eric Hinske went deep for the Rays and old fan favorite Orlando Cabrera scored two runs in his White Sox debut. Not a good outing for Flash Gordon in Philadelphia. Pedro -- who one blog says he had the greatest individual season in Red Sox history -- goes tonight, so does D-Lowe. Elsewhere, Jose Canseco's interview with Boomer and Carton on The Fan ended rather abruptly this morning. And he didn't fare much better on Letterman last night. Speaking of hot dogs, Kosher franks coming to Fenway. Speaking of dogs, the Sox missed out on Rudy Seanez, Part III.